Facebook

I’m starting to suspect that the
Endless scroll and the
Accompanying sensation of being hollowed out by nothingness
May not be
Worth
Seeing the occasional interesting article about how
Technology is destroying us

Titular

I said:
‘Yeah she likes all these
Obscure indie bands.
I’m trying to remember one of the names so I can tell you…’
She says:
‘Indie band names? I could make up several right now’
I say:
‘Oh, yeah?’
She says:
‘Yeah – how about
I woke up on Tuesday
Pillarbox Junkie
Tragedy in Chelsea
Underwear – bag – toiletries
I say:
‘I like the last one especially!’
She says:
‘Oh no sorry
That was just me getting ready for
My date’

Rebel Without A Cause

She’s wearing a leather jacket and she’s smoking a roll up and she’s talking about nihilism and her leg is tucked up under her so her existence sits at a perfect right angle and I think:
Wow
She’s like a
Lesbian
James Dean

Fall from grace

When I was
9
I
Fell out of a
Tree

I fell
Backwards
And my head landed on a
Branch on the ground

I was knocked unconscious
For a few seconds

I remembered this
Yesterday
and thought
Ah
Yes
That explains
Things

Architecture 101

Have started watching
Grand Designs
Of late
Quite funny
‘But disaster has struck’
Really Kev?? No!
Surely not
‘The upper middle class couple
Didn’t realise masonry was
That complex
They are now
A hundred thousand pounds down
And have had to bring in
A project manager

Smashed It

‘I can read minds, you know’, I said
‘What am I thinking now, then?’, she says
I look at her
“You’re thinking…
‘I hope she can’t
Really
Read minds’, yeah?”
‘Shit’, she says
‘You’re good!’

Timeless

It’s 17 minutes into 2017
Katie is sitting to my right
I look at her side profile
I say:
‘You look so strong and powerful
Like…
Boudicca’
She nods:
‘Yes.
I could hold
East Anglia
For a few
Months’

Viva La Revolucion

Miriam said:
Did I tell you that I once found a bunch of report cards for
Pre-school children?
They were thrown in a dumpster close to where I lived at the time in Hackney
All in these
Big pink envelopes
One of them described Alexandra, 3
And her
‘General understanding of the colours’
But
‘Resistance to grasp the colour
Yellow

A Steal

I saw this gold bike in Selfridges in the sale and I was like OMG I want a gold bike but the problem with owning a gold bike is that everyone wants a
gold bike

Strikes A Chord

Katie said:
The thing is people
Rhapsodise
About
Classical music
(esp. Rach)
And I am like:
“It sounds really screechy and there are no words or discernible beat? What is there to
Hold onto
Except
The feeling that
You are being transported
Into a
Stifling
Drawing
Room?”

Widening Scars

I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
That was so bad

Don’t worry
No-one takes you seriously
I don’t even
Take you seriously
And I am you

Miriam on flat sharing

“The resentment I got from my white English female flatmates wasn’t even something I noticed at first. It’s not visible to the untrained, Swedish eye. THEN bam, 5 months later, they knock on my door and tell me that it “actually quite bothered” them that time I ate their sweets while they were away and replaced the bag when they got back”

Bleed

She does her advice face and she says:
‘There’s two types of people you see, Sara, there’s radiators and there’s dr-‘

I cut her off:
‘I know
I saw that on Facebook and
I’m a
Drain.

Save yourself’

Designate

If there’s anything my extensive 20 years* of field work has taught me, it’s that we have as much

Legitimacy
Dignity
Magic

As we
Assign
Ourselves

* I count birth to 10 as just chilling years, really

$$$

She told me that
She got
One point two million
From him
In the end
She let
Everything slide
In the end
Coz she got
One
Point
Two
Million

Big Deal

Noam is making me smashed avocado on sourdough. We are discussing his career.
I say:
‘You are amazing!
You were famous in New York!!’
He shakes his head:
‘Actually –
I was more of an
Underground sensation’

Diatribe

Amarjeet is telling me about a very moany man, he went on and on, apparently, about non-problems
She reaches the crescendo of the story:
And then he finally stopped so I bullet pointed 

  • JUST HOW
  • BAD
  • MY
  • LIFE
  • HAS ACTUALLY BEEN

Company

Carmen has a job at Madame Tussauds
I say:
Do you have a favourite waxwork?
She looks very pensive and says:
Kim Kardashian
And
When it’s not too busy –
Yoda’s alright

Probability Vs. Magic

I get on the Nottingham to London train and take the first seat I see that has a table. I then realise that the seat I am in is reserved so I think I better move to my reserved seat rather than have the embarrassment of ‘oh oh oh I’m British but oh oh oh you’re in my seat’. I check the reservation on my ticket and … I’m sitting in the exact seat that I was allocated! The train is 6 coaches. I didn’t look at the seat reservation prior to the trip. At all.

I stroke my chin
Mmmmm yes
I’ve always suspected there is
Something
Other-worldly
About
Me

Noam On Avocados

He said:
Tonight
I’m gonna have a
Real feast of
Avocado
I just bought so many
Avocados
I smash ’em
And put tomatoes and garlic powder and balsamic vinegar on them and
Spread that on bread
I want
Avocado
On my face
My hair
Everywhere!
Let’s have
An
Avocado
Orgy

Draw A Blank

Noam looks deadly serious
And says:
I automatically
Ignore
People I know
In the street

 

NB – He went on to describe his theory that it’s just really not the place for talking; out in the wild like that.

💈

He said
I’m not sure I belong on dating sites
You see someone with a ridiculous
Beard
Who’s into
Role play
And I want to message to say:
How about I
Play
Barber?

Vicarious

I say:
Please have a baby!
Primarily so we can go to the John Lewis baby section!

The Clinical Psychologist replies:
You would so only be enthusiastic about Xavier, Roman, and Camille (IVF multi birth) for half an hour
We’d all go to JL
You’d get some material for a poem about how glad you are that you can still enjoy your body, drink wine, and have a sex drive and then
You’d avoid us
They’d keep asking about
Auntie Sara
And I’d have to eventually tell them you found them too creepy to be around
They’d be devastated
You’d get one more poem out of it
And that would be
It

I Should Just Leave Now (Yeah, You Should!)

I go to get a massage and the masseuse says:
‘You have a big knot in your right shoulder. Could be work? Or exercise?’
I say:
‘No, no’
‘I believe that knot to be rooted in a woman that I met over 6 years ago, a coup d’etat of a woman, one might say. I first met her -‘
She cuts me off:
‘I do have another client waiting’
I mumble:
‘Oh, right’ and I
Shuffle out
With my knot and my
Coup d’etat ghost woman

Cold As Ice

I go to my normal place and she says:
Do you still want an iced soy latte? I mean, it’s winter now?
I look appalled
What does she think I am?
A fair-weather frap drinker?

Miriam On Silver Linings

I tried explaining this to someone
I said:
No matter
Where I am
In the world,
I am
Always
Haunted
By myself
She was like:
Well that’s fucking bleak
And I was like:
No actually!
It’s great that I realised that about myself!
I know what the problem is!

Jack And I

I’m more and more thinking that
Jack Johnson
Is the man for me
Like,
I can’t imagine having an argument with him
What would that even look like?
JACK!
JACK!
Why didn’t you text me
BACK?
He was surfing, Sara!
He would just laugh
He would say that the moment would find its way into his dreams
Not in a haunting way, you understand
In a genial, light way
Everything is fun for Jack
I mean, come on,
His name is Jack!!!
I think he would totally be ok with never touching each other and with me having affairs with
Passing academics
Although
Of course
It would be silently agreed that
It’s always better
When
We’re
Together

Next week: Jason Mraz – no, I’m yours