Q&A

“And how did the world end?”
“Well. We let some guy who said he wanted to ‘bomb the shit’ out of people, have access to the nuclear codes.”
“Oh, right.”
“Also – no one wanted a woman in charge because that would just be crazy.”

A Steal

I saw this gold bike in Selfridges in the sale and I was like OMG I want a gold bike but the problem with owning a gold bike is that everyone wants a
gold bike

Future Proof

I was thinking about moving to the Hebrides and becoming a recluse, as buzzfeed reliably informed me you can get a two bed detached there for, like, £30k. I’d be totally cut off. No wifi, nothing. I mean I think you can get wifi there but I wouldn’t use it, you know? It would be the only way to know that I had all of my autonomy. That everything I was doing was for me, without all the fraught connections and approval asking eyes. I imagined simple things like the sound of me clicking the gas on. I’d notice all those little things in the Hebrides. I’d be very thin once my daily bagel habit had inched off the edges of me. In a sort of half haunting, half hot way. But then I thought ‘Sara! Just be a recluse in LONDON. That way, you could still go to the cinemas, the parks, and the libraries.’ Oh yes! Good idea. I’ll just be an
Urban recluse

Strikes A Chord

Katie said:
The thing is people
Rhapsodise
About
Classical music
(esp. Rach)
And I am like:
“It sounds really screechy and there are no words or discernible beat? What is there to
Hold onto
Except
The feeling that
You are being transported
Into a
Stifling
Drawing
Room?”

Ignorance

There’s just
Certain things
I don’t
Ever
Want to
Know

Like –
What my ex-lovers think of me
Nor
Whether they even remember me at all
Nor
The fat content of
Mayonnaise

Not good news

Migraine man says in his Irish accent that he recommends a 3 month course of drugs to clear my migrained mind away
I say:
Great!
He says:
There are some side effects, though
I say:
Such as?
He says:
Well – they can change your perceptions. They might make things … devoid of meaning … etc
I say:
WHAT? MATE! I’m trying to be a
Writer
Here
How’s that gonna work??
No no NO
No drugs for me

FWP

It’s incredible the lengths we will go to, to avoid paying 5p for a plastic bag, isn’t it? Like no no NO I’ll just carry these six bottles of rose in my arms, like they are my baby, which in many ways they are.

Widening Scars

I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
I can’t believe I said that
That was so bad

Don’t worry
No-one takes you seriously
I don’t even
Take you seriously
And I am you

It Never Was

Sometimes I have this thing where I can’t really sense the left side of my body
Like it’s disappeared
Then I loop through
And I realise
I can’t really sense my right side, either
I nod to myself
‘Don’t panic
None of this is
Yours’

Revoke

The bank call up and say they are withdrawing my contactless card due to chronic misuse
I sigh heavily and say
‘Ok’

They can
Take my contactless
They’ll never
Take my freedom

🕷

There’s a medium sized spider in a corner of my room
Franz
I know, I know
So twee
And who really has time to name their spiders?
Anyway I haven’t moved Franz
I’ll only move Franz if
I get a girlfriend
And as that looks
Increasingly unlikely
I guess
Franz and I
Are in this for
Life

For Reference Only

Laryngitis has me feeling all croaky like Charles, all worn and old, like I’ve screamed all my best stories out to loads of women I met in bars, like I’ve been down and out and have the voice-box to prove it.

But really it’s just a
Viral infection
That I picked up at
The library
Whilst I read
‘What matters most is how well you walk through the fire’

Features Of Me

I can feel her staring at me from across the room and I know I could snap my head around super quickly and look her right in the eye and raise my eyebrow in an extremely charismatic way if I wanted to

It would be a real
Checkmate
Of a
Moment

Some time passes and she’s still
Half-knowingly
Holding my peripheral gaze

Go on, do it
I goad myself
You could so be that woman with the good posture and a penetrating stare

It’s not too late to be that woman.

Fate Of A Date

We had reached
A texting impasse
A fork in the phone
A third date stalemate
But this time I decided
I wouldn’t be
The Asker
Yes –
This time I was in the market for an
Adorer
Not an
Adoree

Insight

I am walking through Soho when
My world suddenly
Narrows
Rainbow coloured illusions dance across what is left of my field of vision
I like my illusions like I like my flags:
Rainbow coloured
Anyway I think
My mind is warning me about something and I wonder if it’s about all of my
Historic impotence
All The Things I Should Have Been
Then it goes further down me
I am now
Definitely still here but
Very far away from myself
Like the delay in those childhood calls to Australia
‘What was th-‘
‘Oh I-‘
‘I didn’t catch th-‘
My mind is trying to translate me back to me but it is losing all the good bits

I get to the doctors
‘Migraine With Aura’

Dullness

It wasn’t that she was dull
It wasn’t that I was dull
(Obviously)
It was that what
Existed between us
Was dull

*I almost felt the need to motion to the space between us and say ‘such a shame about all this, isn’t it? Well you win some, you lose some, ok take care love you byeeeeeee!’

Universe

She talks for quite a while and I sit and I listen because I’m trying to be a good listener these days because someone told me it’s really important and it makes you more dateable but as she talks I think:

Right ok great and stuff
But …
How does this
Pertain
To
Me?

Deliberate

I got to wondering how much
An articulation of
Experience
Would always end up being
A corruption
Of it

I stroke my chin
Mmmmm yes that’s a good point
But … what else are you gonna use all this
Time
For?

True.

Arrangement

When I was a child
I used to read a science book called
‘How Things Work’
Religiously
I read that book more than any other book
Now?
I’m still trying to work out
How
Things
Work

Spotlight

I say:
I’m really socially awkward
Social situations terrify me

They say:
I don’t see this at all?
You seem very confident!

Then they
Attend a
Social event
With me

‘Oh yes, yes’
They say
‘I
See
It
Now’

Miriam on flat sharing

“The resentment I got from my white English female flatmates wasn’t even something I noticed at first. It’s not visible to the untrained, Swedish eye. THEN bam, 5 months later, they knock on my door and tell me that it “actually quite bothered” them that time I ate their sweets while they were away and replaced the bag when they got back”

🙈

Noam shakes his head and says with that dry French accent of his:
I don’t go to funerals
They traumatise me and
Make me think about
My own death
Urgh

Indie

She says:
What’s the book about?
I pause and gaze into the distance between us:
The story is … there is no story
She says:
Right.
Sorry – What?
I said:
What?

It Wasn’t

I went on some dates with a cellist recently and I really wish we had got past the second date because I so, so wanted to use the line:

“CHELLOOOOOOO!
Is it
Me
You’re
Looking
For?”

🤔

They say:
Life is
What happens
When you’re busy making
Other plans
But …
What if you’re not making
Other plans?
Does life still
Happen?

To Have And To Hold

I just wanna touch it
My mind or my heart or whatever
I want so badly
To be in
Cahoots
With it
But it’s just so damned elusive
Whenever I try and see it or touch it or feel it
Whoooosh
It’s gone
Up in a cloud of smoke
In some silver lining moments I feel like I am it, that it’s not a thing to hold but a lived experience
That may only occur at special times when things or perhaps people align
But on all the other days
I ache for it and
It feels like
Nothing about me is
Tangible
Like I’m
Searching through a jumble sale
Trying to find something
Anything
That’s truly
Mine